dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
