So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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