if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
