My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
