Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
