And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
