We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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