The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
