She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
