Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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