we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
