oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
