I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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