bring money and cleavage
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
