I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
