Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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