so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
