it wasn't lemon gatorade
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
