4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
