Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
