The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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