Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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