Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
