I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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