the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
