Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
