Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
