Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
