ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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