im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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