Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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