A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
