Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do vagina's smell?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
