yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
