You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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