My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
