sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
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He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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