After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
