But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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