I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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