Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
