Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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