She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
