**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
