i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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