she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
