If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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