Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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