You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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