he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
