Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, be my cock's hype man.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
