Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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