How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
