and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
