Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You took a bar mat shot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
