Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
