My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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