Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
