plz talk dirty to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize