Christians are straight up FREAKS
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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