I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
