At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
