I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
