How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
