Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize