My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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