Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need help removing her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
