M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid