R you on birth control?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.