peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?