saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How's your threesome situation going?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.