just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this