You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️