he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
