Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
