She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
